Boston, Thank You. I Can't Say I'm Sorry.

I’ve spent years rejecting any sort of sentimentality or nostalgia. I simply don’t look back. I rarely have. Now, I approach my upcoming move from Boston to LA in much the same way as always. I look forward, and leap forward, with little regard for what I am leaving behind. This approach is getting harder and harder to maintain. Boston has become the closest thing to home I’ve ever known. The city has given me so much, mostly in the form of incredibly important friendships, and difficult life lessons. But it has also taken a lot out of me. Or perhaps I’ve just given up on a lot during my time here. I admit I have accomplished absolutely none of what I set out to accomplish in Boston. Nothing has looked the way I expected. Boston has been the location of my greatest mistakes, failures, and injuries. 

I wanted to write a letter to the city. Not a love letter or even a goodbye. Just something to reflect on the importance of the past four years of my life. This post is not that. I don’t have the words. At the end of the day, I am just so, so happy to leave. I cannot magically muster up sentimentality within myself that doesn’t exist. I am so relieved to run away. Still, I know that I can continue to quit, continue to move, continue to run, and I will never outrun myself. I will never escape what I have for so long considered the center of all my problems: my own mind. 

My genuine hope and prayer is that this time I am running toward something, not away. I’m running toward a potential future that is outside of what I planned, outside of what I dreamed as a child. I’m starting over from 0 with no expectations except that I will try and try and fail and try again. 

These words may seem sad, but I can honestly say that I feel immense joy and hope. I don’t regret a thing that has lead to this moment. I can’t promise where I’ll be in a year, or even a month. What I can promise is that nothing will go according to plan. 

Thank you to my friends, the ones I am leaving for a time, and the ones I am moving toward. You have borne the brunt of my own sullenness. You have held my head up and given me the warmest, sweetest joy in life. I am overwhelmed by the love I experience daily. I know I must be the luckiest girl in the world when it comes to the people in my life. There are no words to express my gratitude for the safety I have found in my friends. I am so hopeful for all of our futures. 

I want this website to be a place of humor, but even more so, honesty. Trust me, I have a lot of juicy things to spill and laughter to share, mostly at my own expense. Those words are coming. But right now honesty has taken precedence. So here is the most sentimentality I can muster, and all the love in my heart. Boston, thank you. I can’t say I’m sorry.