Following Up, With Gratitude

Dear Friends & Readers,

Before anything else, I need to say a heartfelt thank you to everyone who has reached out to me with words of support since publishing my blog post "On Being In A Cult" a few weeks ago. Your responses have made a profound impact on me. Beyond the countless words of love and support, I've received many messages of solidarity. I want to say thank you to each and every person who has shared their YWAM or spiritual abuse experience with me. It is heartbreaking to learn that so many relate to what I wrote, though I feel incredibly grateful to be part of creating a safe space for people to share their stories. Your messages have validated my perspective on YWAM and made me feel entirely less alone. The responses I am continuing to receive are invaluable in my own healing process.

The response to my blog post has made it clear to me that my story is one that people want to hear. I'm working on writing more to help elucidate the YWAM Perth experience, as well as offer some kind of continued support to those who have suffered from spiritual abuse. 

Something I don't think was entirely clear in my first blog was where exactly I put the blame. In cult scenarios, it can be very hard to know who to hold accountable for a myriad of systemic abuses. Oftentimes the abused person becomes the abuser, particularly in situations where brain-washing and coercive control are involved. In the case of YWAM Perth, emotional manipulation is very prolific. I believe a lot of the people that are doing harm there truly believe that they are in the right and aligned with “God’s purpose.” This doesn’t excuse anyone’s actions, but it does help to understand the toxic cycle of abuse within high control groups, in which no one is safe. 

One woman I specifically mentioned in my post reached out to me and we had a really wonderful reconciliation. Her words truly blew me away, not only with her readiness to take responsibility for her actions, but with her complete lack of anger or defensiveness toward me. I didn't expect the reaction to my blog post to bring me so much personal healing, but it has. I’m incredibly grateful for everyone who has looked at my words with respect and taken my experience seriously, particularly those who are currently involved with YWAM or have only recently left. There are a lot of good people caught up with YWAM. My anger is not so much at the individuals as it is at the structure of enforced doctrine that causes so much mental and emotional harm. 

I don't view the issues at YWAM Perth as a case-by-case issue of "bad seeds" or people incorrectly enforcing the rules. I think, for the most part, the rules are the problem. Of course, there are specific people who ultimately must take responsibility for the abuses they've inflicted. I don’t feel comfortable calling out any individuals by name at the moment, but I am working on processing and writing down more specific experiences. There is much still to say. 

In reiterating my gratitude for the outpouring of love and support I have received once again, I want to offer my skills and support to other people who wish to share their YWAM spiritual abuse stories. If anyone wants to work alongside me to publish their story on this blog (or somewhere else), I’d be happy to write or co-write or edit your stories. I know a lot of people are eager to get their experiences out there, but it can be very difficult to trust journalists. I’ve received some interest in having me write on behalf of others, and I’m certainly willing. Additionally, anyone who has questions or wants to process their experience is always welcome to reach out to me, either through my contact on this blog or through Instagram. 

This experience has set a fire under me and given me the ability to write again after years of staring longingly at the page, knowing I had so much bottled up inside me. I have you all to thank for helping me reclaim my life and my voice. Thank you. 

All love,

Abby